I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I stole a fireplace last night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
