how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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