Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize