I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
why do cheetos always look like penises
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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