His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
