Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm too high and old for this...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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