I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
