who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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