Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
