Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize