Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Your cock deserves a montage
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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