I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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