I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
