Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
