i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
