my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
