my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
