Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
