we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
my poor anus
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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