I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
