so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
