I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
