I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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