The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
