TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
