What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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