So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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