i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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