what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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