i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
