people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I will pee on everything he values.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
