alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
