Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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