all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
