She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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