I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
