I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
