i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
