if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
