Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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