dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
