if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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