bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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