is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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