We're facebook friends in real life
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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