Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize