i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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