; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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