Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
