I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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