"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
