based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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