Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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