Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just had sex bonerless
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The best revenge is premature balding
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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