And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
