bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
