I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
