Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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