I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
