I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
