im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize