I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize
