things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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