My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
