...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
