They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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