I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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