She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The Olympian is in my bed
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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