Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
