Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
