dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
