3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
