there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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