Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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