Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
