Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
