turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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