forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
