Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
